Letting Jesus Carry My Backpack

I was really tired.  I was in the library, surrounded by the stacks of books I had been looking through, thousands of pages of printed books from the late 18th century, digitized  by Google.  My eyes hurt from looking at small print and computer screens.  There was no way I was going to be able to get through all that information... I didn't even have enough backpacks in which to fit it all so I could take it out of the library.  I lay my head down and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out all the things I needed to do.  "I can't do this," I repeated to myself.  I stopped.  "I can't do this," the words rolled around in my head, triggering guilt.  No duh I can't do this, I can't do anything by myself, so why do I try.  Why do I think that God helps with the things I do at church, at camp and other ministries but not this?  Why do I take my over full backpack on my own shoulders and separate my school life from my spiritual life?  What changed.  Nothing.  I'm a stubborn human who thinks he's got the spiraling, wingless plane that is his life under control.  I remember Philippians 4:10-13

I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.  I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength. 

I need to give Christ my crazy, hectic, failing life.  I need to give him the two backpacks I can barely carry while riding my bicycle, the handlebars of which are falling off.  Because without him I am nothing, but through him I can do everything.  He's always wanting me stop this climbing fall and let go.    So, from now on, I'm letting Jesus carry my backpack.

Philippians 4:19  "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."